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Death Spiral Smackdown/Transcript
This is a complete transcript of the episode Death Spiral Smackdown. TranscriptCategory:Season 1 Perry: '''Prepare yourself, dingoes! It's time for my annual fitness challenge week! This year, forget about push-ups and sit-ups. It's time for bruises, sprains, and freak accidents! I present the Death Spiral Smackdown! '''Adam: '''Well, say what you will about her, but she knows how to bring the sizzle. '''Leo: Why do you call it the Death Spiral? I mean... Doesn't look so scary to me. Perry: Why don't I have vice principal Cochran demonstrate for you? ( laughter ) Perry: It's not broken! Walk it off! Adam: Wait, s-so how does it work? Perry: You wrestle your opponent as it spins you silly. It'll test your strength, reflexes, and ability to hold your bladder against centrifugal force! Ha ha ha! Gordo: What do you think, Leo? Can you handle it? Leo: Well, my bladder's strong, but just to be safe, I'm sticking to dark gym shorts. Gordo: I myself will be wearing a full-body diaper. In the face of fear, you'll never know where you're gonna leak from. Perry: If you have the guts, partner up, and choose carefully. Your survival depends on the decision you make, and there are very few good options! Ha ha ha ha ha!! Gordo: Well, Leo, every year we lose the fitness challenge, but this year, we're gonna do it in style. I don't want to brag, but... I totally earned the Sewing Merit badge. Leo: Listen, Gordo, I don't want to have a cape. I want to be a winner, so this year, we're going in a different direction. Gordo: We are? Leo: Yes. But by "we," I mean not you. I'm going with someone else. Gordo: Oh. I see. That's okay because most of the school would give their right hand to be my partner. Leo: I'm sorry, Gordo, but with my new partner, I'm gonna win this thing. ( snarky chuckle ) Perry: You're gonna try this again? Last year you threw your back out picking your wedgie! Ha ha ha! Leo: Well, this year's gonna be different because I have a secret weapon. Adam: Oh, what is it? Leo: You. Adam: Ah, that is a good secret. I didn't even know about it! (Intro Plays) Leo: After school today is the big Death Spiral Smackdown. Me and Adam are gonna unleash the fury! You guys gonna come watch? Chase: We'd love to, but we're gonna go to the mall and check out the escalator. I finally mastered the art of stepping off without tripping. Bree: Ooh, um, were we supposed to do that today? Shoot, I-I can't make it. I have a really big test to study for. Chase: What? ( sighs ) Okay, fine. I just hope those old ladies are there again to clap for me. Leo: Never had this cereal before. Bree: No, Leo! Those are power pellets. Leo: I don't care what they're called, as long as they make my milk chocolaty. Chase: No. They're bite-sized pieces of adrenaline that activate our bionics. Bree: Yeah, but, we don't eat them anymore because we learned how to active them ourselves. Chase: They taste like dog treats without the livery aftertaste. I'm guessing. Leo: Well, I guess I'll just have these. Chase: Careful, Leo! Those are Powdered Sugar Cookie Donut O's. Studies have shown they slow down your brain activity. Adam: ( gasps ) Yummy Powdered Sugar Cookie Donut O's! Leo: So, Adam, here is our smackdown game plan. I will distract everyone while you use your bionics to crush our opponents. Adam: I'm sorry, Leo, bionics are for missions. Using them for a school competition would just be wrong. Leo: But... You have to use your bionics! It's the whole reason I chose you! It's the weapon part of our secret weapon! Adam: Oh, bummer! You thought I was gonna use bionics, and then you blew off your old buddy Gordo! Coulda had yourself a green cape, dude. Leo: Oh, Adam, let me help you out with that. Adam: No, no, no, what are you doing? You're ruining my cereal! Leo: Oh, am I? Oh, yeah, you're right. That is not milk. Here, let me fix that. There ya' go. There. Eat up, teammate. Adam: I can't eat this! Not without a spoon! Leo: Oh, yeah. . . . ( school bell rings ) Chase: What is Bree still doing here? She said she had to study for a test. Leo: Yeah, she's not studying for a test. ( Bionic hearing activated ) Caitlin: So, Bree, I was thinking we could go to the park and fish spare change out of the fountain. Last week, I made a buck seventy-three! Bree: Whatever we do, I have to avoid my brother. I totally ditched him to hang out with you guys! Chase: She lied to me! Leo: Wow. Millions of dollars of technology for you to get a tiny grasp of the obvious. Chase: She thinks she can ditch me and get away with it? Ohh. She is going down. Mr. Davenport gave me an Override App so in an emergency situation, I can take over Adam and Bree's bionics. ( whirring sound ) Chase: Connect to Bree. ( laughter ) Bree: Ow! Ow! Ow! Why am I hitting myself? ( laughter ) Leo: Whoa! Bree: Time to wake up, Bree! Not sleepy anymore! Wake up! Caitlin: I was friends with a self-slapper once. I'm not going down that road again! ( laughter ) . . . Adam: Man, that cereal's really got me going! I could bite the head off a gazelle! ( comical growling ) Leo: Great! Let's focus that... Disturbing energy on winning! Gordo: Greetings, Leo. I'll have you know that I also found a secret weapon-- A second-year senior who will conquer you and your freakish teammate. Adam: Who? Leo: I think he's talking about that guy. Gordo: Nervous? I would be if I were you. They call him Destructo. Leo: I'm not nervous. I have him. Adam: Yeah. They call me Adam-O. Man, I need a better name. Perry: Listen up, you flabby, weak underachievers! Here's how this works-- Two teams face off. First team thrown off the platform loses. Sudden death-- No second chances! Short kid and doofus, you're up against spaghetti legs and bowl cut! Get ready to Spiral! Adam: Whoo! ( applause ) Perry: Stupid thing's broken! ( imitates air horn ) Students: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Adam: Leo! Perry: Way to stick the landing! Ha ha! Next! Adam: Yes! Leo: We won! I am the Death Spiral master! Adam: Rrraaaahhhh! Leo: He is the Death Spiral master! Adam: Whoo! . . . Bree: Hey, guys. Sorry about earlier. It's this new school-- It's got me all slap-happy. ( whirring sound ) Caitlin: That's okay. We all have our moments. Bree: Great. ( speaking gibberish ) Caitlin: Bree, you're having a lot of moments! Chase: No, it's just, um, I speak Swedish. ( speaking Spanish ) Bree: A-And Spanish. ( nervous chuckle ) S'up, ladies? How you livin'? And man-ish. Caitlin: I don't know what happened. She wasn't this weird last week! Bree: You did this to me. You're using that stupid Override App. Chase: Yep, because you lied to me. Bree: Well, since you used bionics on me, I'm gonna use mine on you. And beware. It's coming when you least expect it. Chase: Ooh! Those are big words coming from the manly Spanish-speaking Swede. . . . Leo: Come on! Yes! Whoo-hoo! Perry: If they ask at the hospital, that did not happen on school grounds! Leo: You just keep getting better and better! Adam: I know, and I'm not even trying! Bree: All right, Chase, time for a little bionic revenge. Chase: Aah! What the--? You will pay for this! ( laughter ) Adam: I want that tail! Perry: This is it-- The final showdown. Who'd have thought you'd make it? A 90-pounder like you should have eaten it in round two. Gordo: Yeah, tell him! Perry: Shut it, little orphan Annie! Come on! ( imitates air horn ) Perry: Seriously? Adam: Leo! Gordo: Tell my mom I love her! ( spectators react ) ( celebrating ) Leo: We won! We won! Adam: That's it? No way! We're too pumped for this thing to end! I want more! More! More! Bree: Leo! What's going on with Adam? Leo: Oh, he's just a winner, like me. Me and Adam winners. I didn't do anything. Bree: Did you give him power pellets? Leo: Just one... Bowl. Bree: What? Too many of those pellets will keep his adrenaline going! It'll snowball, and he won't be able to turn his bionics off! Leo: Doesn't matter now. We won! Perry: Now, on to the finals! Leo: The what? Perry: There can only be one true winner of the Death Spiral Smackdown, so tomorrow we go mano-a-mano. Gentlemen, your teammate is now your enemy! ( evil giggle ) Leo: I need to go against him? Adam: Rrraaaahhhh! Perry: Yep. So you go home and get your rest. And I'm gonna go home and get my camera. . . . Adam: Hey, Leo, do I seem a little jittery to you? Huh? Huh? Do I? Answer me! Leo: Well, jittery, no. Completely maniacal and full of rage, maybe. Adam: Oh, I need to sit down. I'm hungry! Oh, I need some more of that yummy cereal. Leo: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No more cereal. Adam: Why not? Leo: Because... We're out of milk. Adam: No we're not. It's right... Here. Okay. We're out. Leo: Hey, it's the little drummer boy. Chase: It's all that was left in the lost and found. Leo: And the hat? Chase: It's part of the ensemble. You can't break up the set! Leo: Come on, Bree, you have to help me! I need to go against Adam tomorrow, and he's like a big, strong, goofy godzilla, and I'm Tokyo! Bree: What's the big deal? Just quit! Leo: I can't just quit. The whole school is expecting me to take on Adam tomorrow, and if I quit, I'll just be humiliated. More humiliated. If I wanted to lose, I could have just stuck with Gordo and kept a friend. Bree: The pellets will wear off eventually, but until they do, just keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't destroy the whole house. Adam: Can somebody help me put this back on? . . . Perry: Whoever claimed the drum major uniform yesterday from the lost and found, it's not yours! Give it back! Bree: All those clothes, and you couldn't find something to cover your face? Chase: Go ahead. Try to humiliate me. I have 36 items of clothing on. Bree: Why would I try? You're humiliating yourself. Chase: Oh, yeah? Well, the tin man called. He wants his neck back. Bree: It's to deflect your stupid App from connecting to my chip. It's the heavy duty kind they use in restaurants. ( laughter ) Bree: Look what you've done. Everyone thinks we're weirdos. Chase: Hey, it's your fault for lying and ditching me. Bree: I-I didn't want to hurt your feelings. Caitlin's the first real friend I've ever had. Just 'cause I want to hang out with her doesn't mean I like you any less. Chase: Yeah, well, I have other friends too now, so... Bree: That's great. I mean, you should go hang out with them sometimes. Chase: Yeah, I don't really have other friends. But I'm gonna go get some. Bree: Good. Oh, and before you do that, you might want to lose a layer or two. Chase: Yeah, and you might want to lose the baked potato neck. Leo: So, as it turns out, Adam is too sick to compete. Such a shame. I guess that means I'm the winner. "Winner, party of Leo, your trophy's ready." Perry: Sick? He can't be sick! He's supposed to be here to annihilate you so I can run you up the flagpole and salute failure! Leo: Adam is so sick, he can... Barely move. . . . Adam: Hey, what gives? Who locked me in here? ( gasps ) Leo! What was he thinking? I coulda missed the smackdown! . . . Perry: It pains me deep to my core to say this, but the winner by default is... ( stammering ) Gordo: Adam! Leo: Huh? Adam: Sorry I'm late, Principal Perry. Somebody locked me in my cap-- Bedroom. But I just had a gigantic bowl of my favorite cereal, so now I'm ready to compete, crush, and destroy. Perry: That's the dingo spirit! Bring on the pain! Adam: Whoo! Leo: But wait, no! We're like brothers. Adam: Oh. Good point. Um... Well, then, I guess I will crush and destroy you as gently as possible while still crushing and destroying you. ( air horn blows ) Perry: I bought a new one! ( cheers and applause ) ( gasps and shrieks ) Adam: Whoo-hoo! Perry: Let's go! I'm paying these pandemics by the hour! Break something already! Leo: Hey, hey! Tickle-tickle! Perry: Faster! Faster! Aah! Stupid thing's broken! ( audibly exerting ) Leo: You're not helping! Perry: I'm not trying! Leo: No, no, no! Not again! Not again! Adam: Countdown to launch in ten... Nine... Eight... Seven... Leo: Eight! Nine! Adam: Ten! Wait, stop! You're messing me up! Bree: Adam ate a whole bowl of power pellets! He's gonna turn Leo into a human wrecking ball if we don't stop him from finishing his countdown! Adam: Nineteen! Twenty! Bree: Quick, use your Override App! Chase: It's only for emergencies! Bree: This is an emergency! Adam: Twenty-four! Chase: Connect to Adam! Adam: Twenty-five! ( speaking woozily ) Adam: Wait, why-- Why aren't I destroying you? Leo: I... Don't... Know... But... What I do know is... Adam: Aaahhhh! Leo: I win! ( cheers and applause ) Perry: Are you kidding ''me? Life was so much more gratifying when I was a prison guard! Here. ( mockingly ) '''Perry': Con-grat-u-la-tions. Gordo: Way to go, Leo. I was secretly rooting for you to win. Leo: You were not. Gordo: Sure I was. I even sewed you this victory cape because when one loser wins, we all get bumped up a notch. Leo: Oh. Oh, right. Exactly. That's why I did it. I mean, I had you in mind the whole time. ( clang ) Gordo: Ow! Watch it! That's my sewing hand! Adam: Hey, Chase told me about the power pellets! Leo, I told you, I didn't want to use bionics. You took advantage of me, Leo. Leo: I'm sorry. I just-- I really wanted to win. I didn't mean for it to hurt our friendship. Adam: Yeah, well, it did, and nothing's going to fix it. Leo: You can have my victory cape. Adam: Buddy! Ooh! ( imitates airplane engine ) . . . Adam: Wait. So you can control what I do from across the room. Chase: The Override App is pretty cool, huh? Adam: So you're the one that's been making me do stupid stuff all these years. Chase: No, that's all you. Adam: Well, don't do it again. I have a hard enough time controlling myself. Chase: Okay, but... That means I can't ever do this. Connect to Adam. ( whirring and plinking sounds ) Adam: Ooh! Make me do the chicken dance! Chase: Adam, I disconnected. Adam: I know, but it's just too much fun! Category:Transcripts Category:Season 1 Transcripts